Avoiding Energy Vampires | Health in Life and Business

Pivot Points – Core Concepts for Self-Understanding, Transformation, Growth

When considering tools, tips, techniques for helping us figure out life and live better, I think it’s very helpful to distill to simple, basic concepts that are more powerful and get to the point as soon as possible. Getting to the heart of things, so that when we understand the heart, the core concept, we can make more effective decisions, with better understanding.

One of these core concepts is around our energy – considering what/who drains our energy and what gives us energy. You’ve read about this concept before in discussing the real meaning of extraversion and introversion. If you think extraverts are “talkative” and introverts are “shy”, you still have the old understanding. Here’s a quick lesson/refresher (it’s relevant to our discussion to touch on this, even if you already know):

As described by the personality type (Myers-Briggs MBTI) experts in “Do What You Are”, Extraverts focus their attention and energy on the world outside of themselves. They seek out other people and enjoy lots of interaction, whether one-on-one or in groups. They are constantly (and naturally) pulled to the outer world of people and things. Extraverts get their “batteries charged u” by being with others and usually know a lot of people. Differently, Introverts focus their attention and energy on the world inside of themselves. They enjoy spending time alone and need this time to “recharge their batteries.” Introverts try to understand the world before they experience it, which means a lot of their activity is mental. They prefer social interaction on a smaller scale – one-on-one or in small groups.

So, basically put, Extraverts get their energy from spending time with others. Introverts get their energy from spending time alone. And there is a spectrum of extremes for this – most of us fall somewhere on a spectrum for being more or less introvert/extravert – we are usually a bit of both.

You can see how having an understanding of your intro/extra-vertness could help you make choices that support what you need. Either taking time to surround yourself with people who energize you, or being mindful to give yourself quiet time to contemplate and recharge.

There are other ways that we gain and lose energy. Having an understanding of these things can again help us feel better and live and work better.

People  Whether you’re an introvert or an extravert, there are people who will support us, love us and help us be better – they help us be our true selves, they don’t ask for other and they don’t set their expectations upon you. Then… there are people that I like to call energy vampires – they suck the life out of us. They demand a huge amount of our emotional, mental, spiritual – and sometimes physical – energy. They have their own expectations that they put on you, without regard for who YOU truly are. They want you to fit into their mold.  Can you think of an example of either kind of person – either someone who supports you, or someone who sucks your vital life force? How have they helped to shape your life? Can you imagine how it would feel to cut ties with the vampire? And how it would feel to have more of those people that support you?

Work  How many of us chose our first careers because of feeling outside pressure? Feeling that we were doing what we SHOULD do? Doing what was right, responsible, acceptable? I know I sure did. I took my fine arts degree right to the middle of New York City and worked for large institutional banks. Makes sense, right? The corporate work was what I believed I should be doing, it was acceptable and parent approved. But the work sucked my energy. I had no real purpose. I had people who wanted me to do things, and I did them, so I was serving a purpose to them, but the work didn’t really matter. I wasn’t doing anything that made the world better, that made a real difference in people’s lives. And, more importantly, I wasn’t working from the inside-out. I wasn’t using my real gifts and strengths. I wasn’t even in a situation where I was going to better understand what my gifts and strengths were. I was working inside, spending the best part of the day in a controlled air-flow building, under artificial light, 200 feet above the earth. Just the environmental situation was completely out-of-alignment for me. Consider your work now. Does it feel like time flies by when you’re doing it? Or does time drag on? Are there ways you can incorporate what you really love – things that light you up – into what you’re already doing? Or can you carve out some time in your day to do these things? Is it time to consider bigger change?

Self-beliefs  What we believe about ourselves is HUGE in how our energy moves. If we believe we don’t deserve success, joy or freedom in our life, our energy will support that belief – it’ll stay slow and stagnant. If we believe we DO deserve all these good things (gentle nudge: if you’re reading this YOU deserve success, joy & freedom), our energy shifts. Our energy moves differently. We move differently in the world. We expect different things and we experience and receive different things. It might help to look at examples other than ourselves to better understand this. Consider two people you’ve known for a long time – one, who’s done well for themselves and seems truly happy and a second person, who’s not done so well and seems to forever have a black cloud over their heads. What does each one believe about themselves? What are they worthy of? What kind of relationships do they have in their lives? What do they do for work and for fun? Now, understand that either of those people could choose to believe something entirely different about themselves. They could change their lives completely, if they decided to accept a different truth. Have you ever looked at this for yourself? Have you ever considered that you can change the course of your life, by changing these beliefs for you? If you’d like to have some extra guidance and prompts with this, grab my bonus exercise: Shift Your Story – Start choosing a better path today. It is a short & fun activity that will help you get clarity on where you are now and how you can completely shape your future, by changing your beliefs and intentions.

~Katy