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Avoiding Energy Vampires | Health in Life and Business

Energy Vampires Sunset
Pivot Points – Core Concepts for Self-Understanding, Transformation, Growth

Avoiding Energy Vampires

Today’s Core Concept – Your Energy
When considering tools, tips, techniques for helping us figure out life and live better, I think it’s very helpful to distill to simple, basic concepts that are more powerful and get to the point as soon as possible. Getting to the heart of things, so that when we understand the heart, the core concept, we can make more effective decisions, with better understanding.

One of these core concepts is around our energy – considering what/who drains our energy and what gives us energy. You’ve read about this concept before in discussing the real meaning of extraversion and introversion. If you think extraverts are “talkative” and introverts are “shy”, you still have the old understanding. Here’s a quick lesson/refresher (it’s relevant to our discussion to touch on this, even if you already know):

As described by the personality type (Myers-Briggs MBTI) experts in “Do What You Are”, Extraverts focus their attention and energy on the world outside of themselves. They seek out other people and enjoy lots of interaction, whether one-on-one or in groups. They are constantly (and naturally) pulled to the outer world of people and things. Extraverts get their “batteries charged u” by being with others and usually know a lot of people. Differently, Introverts focus their attention and energy on the world inside of themselves. They enjoy spending time alone and need this time to “recharge their batteries.” Introverts try to understand the world before they experience it, which means a lot of their activity is mental. They prefer social interaction on a smaller scale – one-on-one or in small groups.

So, basically put, Extraverts get their energy from spending time with others. Introverts get their energy from spending time alone. And there is a spectrum of extremes for this – most of us fall somewhere on a spectrum for being more or less introvert/extravert – we are usually a bit of both.

You can see how having an understanding of your intro/extra-vertness could help you make choices that support what you need. Either taking time to surround yourself with people who energize you, or being mindful to give yourself quiet time to contemplate and recharge.

There are other ways that we gain and lose energy. Having an understanding of these things can again help us feel better and live and work better.

Here are some additional Energy-givers and Energy-takers to consider:
People  Whether you’re an introvert or an extravert, there are people who will support us, love us and help us be better – they help us be our true selves, they don’t ask for other and they don’t set their expectations upon you. Then… there are people that I like to call energy vampires – they suck the life out of us. They demand a huge amount of our emotional, mental, spiritual – and sometimes physical – energy. They have their own expectations that they put on you, without regard for who YOU truly are. They want you to fit into their mold.  Can you think of an example of either kind of person – either someone who supports you, or someone who sucks your vital life force? How have they helped to shape your life? Can you imagine how it would feel to cut ties with the vampire? And how it would feel to have more of those people that support you?

Work  How many of us chose our first careers because of feeling outside pressure? Feeling that we were doing what we SHOULD do? Doing what was right, responsible, acceptable? I know I sure did. I took my fine arts degree right to the middle of New York City and worked for large institutional banks. Makes sense, right? The corporate work was what I believed I should be doing, it was acceptable and parent approved. But the work sucked my energy. I had no real purpose. I had people who wanted me to do things, and I did them, so I was serving a purpose to them, but the work didn’t really matter. I wasn’t doing anything that made the world better, that made a real difference in people’s lives. And, more importantly, I wasn’t working from the inside-out. I wasn’t using my real gifts and strengths. I wasn’t even in a situation where I was going to better understand what my gifts and strengths were. I was working inside, spending the best part of the day in a controlled air-flow building, under artificial light, 200 feet above the earth. Just the environmental situation was completely out-of-alignment for me. Consider your work now. Does it feel like time flies by when you’re doing it? Or does time drag on? Are there ways you can incorporate what you really love – things that light you up – into what you’re already doing? Or can you carve out some time in your day to do these things? Is it time to consider bigger change?

Self-beliefs  What we believe about ourselves is HUGE in how our energy moves. If we believe we don’t deserve success, joy or freedom in our life, our energy will support that belief – it’ll stay slow and stagnant. If we believe we DO deserve all these good things (gentle nudge: if you’re reading this YOU deserve success, joy & freedom), our energy shifts. Our energy moves differently. We move differently in the world. We expect different things and we experience and receive different things. It might help to look at examples other than ourselves to better understand this. Consider two people you’ve known for a long time – one, who’s done well for themselves and seems truly happy and a second person, who’s not done so well and seems to forever have a black cloud over their heads. What does each one believe about themselves? What are they worthy of? What kind of relationships do they have in their lives? What do they do for work and for fun? Now, understand that either of those people could choose to believe something entirely different about themselves. They could change their lives completely, if they decided to accept a different truth. Have you ever looked at this for yourself? Have you ever considered that you can change the course of your life, by changing these beliefs for you? If you’d like to have some extra guidance and prompts with this, grab my bonus exercise: Shift Your Story – Start choosing a better path today. It is a short & fun activity that will help you get clarity on where you are now and how you can completely shape your future, by changing your beliefs and intentions.

In addition to the Shift Your Story exercise, you can download this PDF that has journaling prompts for what we cover in this blog post today. As you journal through, you’ll better understand how you can better support your own energy – feel better and be more effective. Grab the PDF HERE.

Be sure to share this with anyone you think could benefit from a better understanding of how their own energy works and better understand what they need to thrive.

Thanks – have a great day!
~Katy
Katy Moses offers coaching sessions via Skype to help you heal, release resistance, stress & anxiety, gain greater clarity, calm and flow to help you feel confident in your skin, as you move into alignment with your strengths, gifts, passions & goals. Do you have your sessions booked? Book online now

Curing Comparison | 4 Steps to Let Go and Get Back On Track

comparison grass is greener

It can be stealthy, subtle and sneaky.

It can infect your thinking…

without you ever having any idea that it is there.

Comparison. Comparing who you are, and what you have, what you do and what you’ve done against what you see others being, doing and having done.

How do you compare against your neighbor, your coworker, your best friend?

Whether consciously or not, I’ll bet a LOT of money that you’ve taken a look at yourself and rated yourself relative to where somebody else is.

So, is this a terrible, cursed thing to be doing?

Yes, and no.

Let’s start with the no. Why is comparison NOT the root of all evil?

Comparison can be healthy. We see our friend making a positive change for their health – choosing better foods, incorporating exercise into their day. And we see that things are changing for them – they’re feeling better, stronger and its having ripple effects in other parts of her life. She inspires us to reflect upon our own choices and we make some changes that will help us also improve our health.

Cool – that’s great. Comparison leading to inspiration and positive change.

That’s one example. We can likely name a few other examples where comparison has led to inspiration – seeing someone else achieve something despite the odds can give us “permission” to achieve for ourselves.

Then let’s talk about why comparison might truly be the worst thing that could happen to you.

  • Limits your beliefs of what you can achieve. You see that someone else has what you want and you see all the reasons they’re different from you and you’re able to make a ‘reasonable’ excuse for why you can’t have the same for you.
  • Gives a home for negative self talk. Perhaps it’s cultural, but we have a tendency to talk down about ourselves to ourselves. We’ll be critical of ourselves in ways we’d never be to our friends. And when we then compare ourselves against another person and how perfect and amazing they are, it is easy to draw contrasts to our lives and fuel that negative self talk.
  •  Allows us to rationalize why we can’t do something – “well, I don’t have what she has, so I can’t achieve similar””My idea isn’t as profound as that””I won’t have the impact he does””I’m not as strong of a speaker/writer/thinker/expert…”
  • Stalls us out – Procrastination and paralyzation (I just need to learn one more thing, need to do one more re-write, need to do a little more research, need to wait for the weather to improve, need to wait for the kids to be older)

    The other thing about the negative side of comparison, is that we often don’t realize we’re doing it. It’s insidious and quiet, yet starts that stream of negative words into our brain and can affect and infect all we do and think – leaving us feeling limited, less than, not good enough, not ready.

         Pssst… you don’t really think you can leave that perfectly good steady job, that pays you perfectly good money that allows you to pay all those bills to go chase a child’s dream of being a travel writer, do you?? That’s ridiculous, only an irresponsible idiot would do that….

    You recognize this voice, don’t you? It sounds very rational, it keeps us “safe” and makes us feel like if we doing anything outside the norm, we are risking our lives. Sometimes this voice wins, but sometimes we know that, however ‘rational’ that voice might sound, we have a calling that we cannot ignore, so we have to move forward and make change in spite of that voice.

    So… how to break past it. How to shake off that voice and the negative feelings that can come with comparison?

    Luckily, the ways to get past that negative voice of comparison are simple. They do require some focus and action taking, but if you’re ready to step into your bigger vision, you’re ready for focus and action.

    The 4 Steps to Curing Comparison

    1. Get present
    2. Develop your vision
    3. ‘Turn up’ the vision
    4. Make it a non-negotiable YES

      The beauty of this is how good it feels. Even if you aren’t feeling a strong call to make a big life change, but want to shake that habit of comparison, you can do it and get more centered and operate from a place that is more positive and true to you. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

      1. Get present.Basically, this is about finding yourself in a calm, peaceful state – free of regret and anxiety. You may typically be in this place, or know how to get there. If you need help, here’s a simple meditation to get you into a place of calm presence, ready for clear thinking.
        1. Develop your vision.What is your dream? Your passion? Your calling? Grab papers, markers, pens, and draw it out, write it out. (If you need to get your juices flowing, maybe you need to get out for a walk or a run, take a shower, whatever works for you.) What does it look like? When will it happen? What needs to happen in preparation? Can you do less than you think in preparation? What actions can you take immediately? And then, what does it FEEL like? What does it feel like to think about this reality for you? Write down how it will feel and how it will change your life once you’ve made this happen. (If you don’t already have a strong, big vision that’s tugging at you, start small. Is there a new hobby you’d like to try? Some place you’d like to visit?)
          1. Turn up the vision.

          You’ve written down how it will feel and how it will change your life to make these changes… Write and/or think some more about what your life will be like when this happens. Get into juicy details… What kind of people will you hang around with? What will your home look and feel like? What will you be doing? What will you be doing with your free time? What foods will you be eating?… Things like that. How does that feel? Write down any more feelings that come to mind and take some time to read each one and let it soak into your body. Where is it in your body? Feel it and then turn it up so that feeling radiates into every cell and even beyond. After you’ve done that for the individual feelings, do it for the vision as a whole and really turn it up, so it’s radiating from you.

          1. Turn it into a non-negotiable YES.You’ve done great work here. Now, take action. You know what your vision is, take action today. I’m not going to tell you what to do, because you already know. What I can do to support you is to tell you that you now have permission, you now have the assignment, you can choose to make this real for you, today.

            Ok go.

            With love,
            Katy

Katy Moses offers Entrepreneur Energy Coaching sessions via Skype to help you gain clarity around your life and business, identify blocks, behaviours and beliefs that are limiting your momentum and to help you release and heal so that you can move forward, with calm, clarity, strength, alignment, joy and inspired action. Do you have your sessions booked?  Visit KatyMoses.com for more info on sessions and to book a clarity call.

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beauty of simple clear vision